Post by eldouchobaggo on Apr 14, 2011 22:58:39 GMT -5
Malaise
The Combat Consulting crew is back in EDB’s locker room relaxing Bruc-E scores a field goal in the game of table football he’s playing with Juan, one point of the paper football pokes Juan in the cheek. Bruc-E jumps up and does a victory dance that includes riding the pony, the funky chicken and a portion of the electric slide.
Juan: You realize I’m winning twenty three to six right?
Richard and Nick are relaxing as well watching the show on closed circuit, Richard only half watches over the top of the latest issue of Blackbelt magazine. The big man is reclined in his favorite chair taking a drink from his beer every so often, He just sits there lost in his own thoughts. Sometimes his eyes are open and other times they’re closed, neither seems to make much difference in his demeanor.
Of course there was revelry and congratulatory high fives and back slapping earlier. Top shelf beers where shaken and opened wasting half their contents because Doucho loves clichés but champagne is for fags. However the crazy partying Doucho promised Bruc-E before the match never happened. First the they planned partying was to be delayed until the results of the main event were known, but for some reason Doucho’s mood changed during the wait and even before the main event started everyone realized the party was cancelled. They didn’t know why, but they all knew better than to ask. Doucho would explain his mood at length when he was good and ready whether they liked it or not.
The announcer’s voice can be heard even over the crowd and through several layers of concrete and cinderblocks.
“Still Southwestern Heavyweight Champion, Terry Marvin!”
Doucho: Well, that’s it.
*Doucho pauses to take a swig of his beer.*
I didn’t think this guy could pull it off but I was hoping.
Richard: Why do you care? I know you’re not afraid to face Marvin, I’d be an idiot to think that.
Doucho: Of course. Here’s the thing, now, the next three months in Ring of Pride is pointless. The main event of Red, White and Bruised is set. I’d say we may as well just sit at home for three months, but there’s probably a breach of contract clause that would let them take my title shot away. Terry Marvin is a lame duck champion going through the motions trying to seem relevant whether he realizes it or not.
Richard: Ok, I’ll accept that for now, but why would it matter if Supreme Machine or anyone else that could have been the mystery man won the title?
Doucho: Simple business, Terry Marvin is an established star in Ring of Pride they’re going start selling Red, White and Bruised with our faces right away and once the money has been sunk in they’ll want to protect their investment. Sure Marvin will probably defend the title once or twice, it won’t be against a real opponent though like Ace Andrews or Stu Price. Didn’t he just accept a challenge from fucking Lucas Peak?
That guy shouldn’t have even been in the Outlaw Stampede match now he gets a world title shot ahead of me?
Richard: To be fair he is putting his career on the line.
Doucho: So fucking what? He’s worthless and so is his career he’s basically putting up nothing against the heavyweight championship. The only reason the champ can get away with that is because management wants him to still be the champ come July.
If Supreme Machine or anyone else that wasn’t a currently recognized by the Ring of Pride’s fans was champion they’d be throwing every name they could at him to either establish him as a star or get the belt around someone else’s waist.
Richard: Well if none of your other matches are important then we can focus on the championship match.
Doucho: Why would I do that. There’s a perfectly capable submissionist of similar size sitting across the room and I train with him every week so there’s no reason to change or intensify my workout routine.
Bruc-E: So, I agree with everything you’ve said, bro, so why are we just sitting here. This is your time to party it up.
Doucho: Time to Party? Time, my time. Fuck, you’re right this is my time! This is the start of a new Era. The era of the Douche.
Richard: The era of the douche?
Douche: Ya, and it’s been a long time coming.
Juan: Because douchebags are so underappreciated.
Doucho: Not underappreciated, only fags care about being appreciated. For years though people have tried to trivialize the accomplishments of Douchebags. It’s time to stand up and be heard.
Doucho stands up hands on hips and skyward epicly.
Juan: (under his breath) yeah nobody can hear you, that’s the problem.
Doucho: Get the camera.
'
A few moments later Richard has unpacked the camera and set it up on a Tripod for EDB who is now seated on the table that was previously a table football field.
"Good Evening America. I come before you today as a douche, no as the douche. I believe that my cultural prominance and continued dedication to douchebaggery entitles me to call myself that. Tonight I am a spokesman for douchebags everywhere.
For years you've tried to trivialize our accomplishments. You can be thouroughly beaten, humiliated, your failures and hypocrisis exposed to the world and you defend yourself by calling your better a douche. He's a douche because he walks and talks like the winner that he is both before and after the contest. He's a douche because he didn't offer you a hand of friendship and console you with a good game ass slap and a I still respect you reach around, He's a douche because he didn't tell you that it could have gone either way and he didn't reject the sexual advances of your girlfriend, wife, sister, mother, or daughter when they were attracted to him as a superior alpha male.
What it basically comes down to is that he's a douche because you're a loser.
I'd like everyone listening to do something for me. I know that most of you won't do this right away but, I'm going to plant a seed anyway and hopefully a lot of you will eventually do this against your will. Think back to the last time you heard a story where somebody was called a douchebag, this could even be a story you told to a friend. Now, think about the story. What did this douchebag do? I'm willing to bet that he caused the subject of the story misery and the subject had no recourse but to impotently call them a douche, they probably didn't even get to say it to their face.
Somehow you've convinced yourselves that this makes it all better, balances the scales, maybe it even makes you the winner because God, the universe, karma or whatever will punish all us douches in the end. This must be very comforting for all you losers just as the verse 'It's easier for a camel to pass through the head of a needle than it is for a wealthy man to get into heaven' is a comfort to the poor. You choose to believe that you can just stumble through your loser existence and never do anything to improve yourself and in the end some cosmic force will reward you and punish the douchebags that didn't hold themselves back and tell everyone that they were equals. yeah that's fair.
I've worked hard to be stronger, faster and smarter than all of of you and I'm damn sure going to let you all know about it. Sure, that makes us douches, but it's not like it's insult, it doesn't immasculate us or lessen our victory. Not being a douche is a choice, a retarded choice, but a choice and it doesn't make you better it just makes you a dumbass.
The Combat Consulting crew is back in EDB’s locker room relaxing Bruc-E scores a field goal in the game of table football he’s playing with Juan, one point of the paper football pokes Juan in the cheek. Bruc-E jumps up and does a victory dance that includes riding the pony, the funky chicken and a portion of the electric slide.
Juan: You realize I’m winning twenty three to six right?
Richard and Nick are relaxing as well watching the show on closed circuit, Richard only half watches over the top of the latest issue of Blackbelt magazine. The big man is reclined in his favorite chair taking a drink from his beer every so often, He just sits there lost in his own thoughts. Sometimes his eyes are open and other times they’re closed, neither seems to make much difference in his demeanor.
Of course there was revelry and congratulatory high fives and back slapping earlier. Top shelf beers where shaken and opened wasting half their contents because Doucho loves clichés but champagne is for fags. However the crazy partying Doucho promised Bruc-E before the match never happened. First the they planned partying was to be delayed until the results of the main event were known, but for some reason Doucho’s mood changed during the wait and even before the main event started everyone realized the party was cancelled. They didn’t know why, but they all knew better than to ask. Doucho would explain his mood at length when he was good and ready whether they liked it or not.
The announcer’s voice can be heard even over the crowd and through several layers of concrete and cinderblocks.
“Still Southwestern Heavyweight Champion, Terry Marvin!”
Doucho: Well, that’s it.
*Doucho pauses to take a swig of his beer.*
I didn’t think this guy could pull it off but I was hoping.
Richard: Why do you care? I know you’re not afraid to face Marvin, I’d be an idiot to think that.
Doucho: Of course. Here’s the thing, now, the next three months in Ring of Pride is pointless. The main event of Red, White and Bruised is set. I’d say we may as well just sit at home for three months, but there’s probably a breach of contract clause that would let them take my title shot away. Terry Marvin is a lame duck champion going through the motions trying to seem relevant whether he realizes it or not.
Richard: Ok, I’ll accept that for now, but why would it matter if Supreme Machine or anyone else that could have been the mystery man won the title?
Doucho: Simple business, Terry Marvin is an established star in Ring of Pride they’re going start selling Red, White and Bruised with our faces right away and once the money has been sunk in they’ll want to protect their investment. Sure Marvin will probably defend the title once or twice, it won’t be against a real opponent though like Ace Andrews or Stu Price. Didn’t he just accept a challenge from fucking Lucas Peak?
That guy shouldn’t have even been in the Outlaw Stampede match now he gets a world title shot ahead of me?
Richard: To be fair he is putting his career on the line.
Doucho: So fucking what? He’s worthless and so is his career he’s basically putting up nothing against the heavyweight championship. The only reason the champ can get away with that is because management wants him to still be the champ come July.
If Supreme Machine or anyone else that wasn’t a currently recognized by the Ring of Pride’s fans was champion they’d be throwing every name they could at him to either establish him as a star or get the belt around someone else’s waist.
Richard: Well if none of your other matches are important then we can focus on the championship match.
Doucho: Why would I do that. There’s a perfectly capable submissionist of similar size sitting across the room and I train with him every week so there’s no reason to change or intensify my workout routine.
Bruc-E: So, I agree with everything you’ve said, bro, so why are we just sitting here. This is your time to party it up.
Doucho: Time to Party? Time, my time. Fuck, you’re right this is my time! This is the start of a new Era. The era of the Douche.
Richard: The era of the douche?
Douche: Ya, and it’s been a long time coming.
Juan: Because douchebags are so underappreciated.
Doucho: Not underappreciated, only fags care about being appreciated. For years though people have tried to trivialize the accomplishments of Douchebags. It’s time to stand up and be heard.
Doucho stands up hands on hips and skyward epicly.
Juan: (under his breath) yeah nobody can hear you, that’s the problem.
Doucho: Get the camera.
'
A few moments later Richard has unpacked the camera and set it up on a Tripod for EDB who is now seated on the table that was previously a table football field.
"Good Evening America. I come before you today as a douche, no as the douche. I believe that my cultural prominance and continued dedication to douchebaggery entitles me to call myself that. Tonight I am a spokesman for douchebags everywhere.
For years you've tried to trivialize our accomplishments. You can be thouroughly beaten, humiliated, your failures and hypocrisis exposed to the world and you defend yourself by calling your better a douche. He's a douche because he walks and talks like the winner that he is both before and after the contest. He's a douche because he didn't offer you a hand of friendship and console you with a good game ass slap and a I still respect you reach around, He's a douche because he didn't tell you that it could have gone either way and he didn't reject the sexual advances of your girlfriend, wife, sister, mother, or daughter when they were attracted to him as a superior alpha male.
What it basically comes down to is that he's a douche because you're a loser.
I'd like everyone listening to do something for me. I know that most of you won't do this right away but, I'm going to plant a seed anyway and hopefully a lot of you will eventually do this against your will. Think back to the last time you heard a story where somebody was called a douchebag, this could even be a story you told to a friend. Now, think about the story. What did this douchebag do? I'm willing to bet that he caused the subject of the story misery and the subject had no recourse but to impotently call them a douche, they probably didn't even get to say it to their face.
Somehow you've convinced yourselves that this makes it all better, balances the scales, maybe it even makes you the winner because God, the universe, karma or whatever will punish all us douches in the end. This must be very comforting for all you losers just as the verse 'It's easier for a camel to pass through the head of a needle than it is for a wealthy man to get into heaven' is a comfort to the poor. You choose to believe that you can just stumble through your loser existence and never do anything to improve yourself and in the end some cosmic force will reward you and punish the douchebags that didn't hold themselves back and tell everyone that they were equals. yeah that's fair.
I've worked hard to be stronger, faster and smarter than all of of you and I'm damn sure going to let you all know about it. Sure, that makes us douches, but it's not like it's insult, it doesn't immasculate us or lessen our victory. Not being a douche is a choice, a retarded choice, but a choice and it doesn't make you better it just makes you a dumbass.